New blog.....NOW

Hola.

Sorry it wasn't "tomorrow" per se. But I'm blogging now so we're cool aren't we homie? We are good are we not? Cut a brother some slack? That is what I am talking about! For shizzle my nizzle!
Ok I'll stop now, on with blog.

So where was I. I do believe I had put up some rather spiffing photographs of birdies since we last met. Since then there has been mucho happening. Most noticeably of course was my lovely friend Dan's stag weekend. Dan, Ben and Jason came round and we all had a curry and watched some hilarious family guy. But not before we went to Tescos at the end of my road and nearly got into some serious trouble. We walked along the freezing road and bought our supplies, but on our way out I accidentally bumped into a bloke who was pretty clearly shoplifting. At which point Dan said, a little too loudly, "he just shoplifted".

Scarily enough the guy seemed to briefly watch us to see what we would do, which made us fear for our lives all the way home. The ONE time I have friends down who I want to impress with my little suburb of London and we nearly get killed. Seriously.

Me, Ant, Ben, Dan and Jason all left early in the morning. Unfortunately this was also the very sad morning I was told by my mum that my nan had passed away in her sleep. My nan was someone special. We would share a cheeky wink when the all the room were laughing, we would chat in the kitchen of her house while she forced as much food as she could at us, she could always moan and laugh with us, she had one liners to crack up an entire room. She was the best nan I could have asked for. Her funerals on December 21st which will be hard. Fingers crossed shes up there keeping an eye on us. And still laughing.

Heading out that morning was hard but my nan would have wanted me to go. I damn well hope my grandson gets to go on his first stag doo when I head off too. The coach trip up was fun with the guys cracking jokes, sudoku and IPhone tv series'. We got to the place, had a few drinks and met all of Dan's other friends before heading out to the hotel. We got done up and went to the pub for some heavy drinking games which was lovely. The first of the stag challenges hit Dan as he was forced to drink baileys and beer. Unable to finish it all, the stags best man did the deed to the end like a champ.

Afterwards we headed out, grabbed a subway and found the strip bar the stag package included. Now my first experience of a strip club was so-so. It wasn't classy, but then it was almost a warehouse round a back alley someplace. The girls descended upon us from the start and bantered with us for a good 10 - 15 mins a time before asking if we wanted a dance. Most of the guys generally had a couple dances, some more then others. I was one of the few that abstained because 1) Didn't feel right what with nan passing, 2) It wasn't too hard to say no anyway. Something about fake chat in the hope of a dance is not appealing. One girl I told I had a girlfriend back home told me I was one of the few genuine guys in the place. Now granted I see what Ant told me in that they do try and make you feel 'special' as part of their job, still the way she said it with such a finality to the situation made me think she was genuine, she was cool.

Others found it a little harder to say no to the ladies. A few people I heard racked up 3 figure bills from the place. Me, Ben and Ant went wandering and briefly stumbled on a hardcore rock scream pub which was entertaining. Didn't stay for long on return, Jason was down by quite a sum and I offered to go back with him to stop him further hemorrhaging money. After briefly getting lost and having a hilarious trip back we arrived and slept.

Good thing about paintball being cancelled on Saturday was we could sleep in. We found a great sports bar in the afternoon and later returned there to watch the Newcastle game and gamble a bit. Lost £25 but it was fun. Good gambler and lucky bugger Ben won £130. He bought us drinks which was good compensation.

Later that evening we travelled to the Indian restaurant the package included - Rupali, home of the hottest curry in the world, literally. Official Guinness world record and everything. If you finish it you get it for free, get a certificate and have your photo on the restaurant website. The great Mike managed to do such a thing, albeit in a lot of pain, what a man he is.

After the restaurant things happened fast. We pretty much striped Dan half naked and duck taped him to a bench. Before throwing his shoes on a roof. I say 'we', us uni lads looked on while Dan's hardcore welsh mates did what they do best. Be hardcore welsh mates. We left for a club after and had a great night bar hopping. Dan, the man that he is, went back to the hotel and returned not too long later, something we all cheered too. Only other thing of mention is dancing for nearly half an hour with a street busker playing a drum. We were loving it. That and I nearly took out £4000 rather then £40 from a cash machine. Not so good.

The morning of our return, Ant annoyingly discovered he had booked a ticket for 1AM rather then the 1PM we had all booked for. He sprang into action and managed to bag a lucky national express coach for only £30 more. Good times. The coach back was funny, me Jason, Ben and Dan cracked jokes here and there. Me and Jason watched Dead Race on his Iphone. Ridiculous movie, but good for a coach ride. Towards the end we also looked up rather riskay world records including the longest ejaculation (roughly 18 ft) and the largest vagina (large enough to accommodate an American football)

Sadly it all ended and I'm back home. Dan survived, and is a stronger man for it. If my nan is watching she would have enjoyed every second. Dan's wedding is in February and promises to be a great one. I shall blog again in a separate article as I feel I have written a hell of a lot here...